Dear Diary
by dreadlockedpencil
Summary: Finally updated! The odd and soemtimes disturbing diary entries of the YGO gang. Read if you dare. Don't read if you don't. Or if you can't.
1. Marik and Malik

Hello there fellow victims of YGO! Welcome to my fourth story. It's the diaries of the YGO gang. First off, we'll be doing Malik and Marik. As you may already know, I have made a vow to make Marik and Malik do everything together. Well, it will be in 2 parts. Marik's version of the events happening and Malik's version. Okay, let's get this going.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. Or anything else if you think about it. Never mind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cover: This is the diary of Marik and Malik  
  
Entry: June 11th, 2003  
  
Marik's entry:  
  
Diary, (I will not say 'dear diary' because nothing is dear to me)  
  
Today I made a pretty painting out of lizard's blood. If you're wondering how I got lizard's blood, I'll tell you: I held up the local pet shop with a water gun. I told them that they were under arrest. I think that I should have said something different because they just laughed when I said it. Then I pulle dout the gun and they got all hysterical. In the bad way. Or the funny way. Whichever. And then I told them that I needed a komodo dragon. They didn't have one so I asked for a lizard and they gave me a gecko. Then I squirted them with the water gun and ran away. Then I heard them screaming behind me. I didn't check it out because I was too busy running away. You wanna hear how I killed it? Okay! Well first, I put it in one of Isis' thong's and then she put it on. You would have though that she would have noticed since there's barely any fabric on thong's. But she didn't. Then when she had it on, she sort of made a face and ran around screaming. Then she took off her thong and ran into her room. Then when she got out, she started screaming at me about personal hygiene or something. So then I used Bakura's chainsaw to cut it up. Then I put all the blood into one of Isis' lunch containers and saved it for later. I kept all the intact pieces and put them in Yugi's hair when he wasn't looking. I wonder what happened with that. I ran away after so I didn't know what happened. So as I was saying, I kept the blood and made a pretty picture of a dead bird and gave it to Isis. She didn't like it. She's really mean. I did all that and then she just went into one of her 'personal hygiene' rants. Then Malik came in and gave her some soup. I wonder what kind. Well when he gave it to her she looked at it and started lecturing him too.While she was ranting, I was thinking about new ways to make Yugi cry. Gotta go. Bakura just invited me over to scare Ryou. Bye.  
  
Malik's Entry:  
  
Diary,  
  
Don't mind the title that says 'Marik and Malik's Diary' it really means 'Malik and Marik's Diary' with my name first. Today I made cow bile soup. Then I gave it to Isis. She didn't seem to appreciate it. I don't know why. I spent all that time holding up the cow factory and asking them to give me cow bile. They even let me watch. It was awesome! The cow was mooing and yelling. It was really fun. Then I mixed it with some of Marik's lizard blood. I even gave some to Yugi. He was in a bad mood because Marik had put lizard intestines in his hair. I gave him the soup and said that I had made it specially for him. He smiled nad said thank you. What a wuss. Ten he tasted it. All of a sudden he started barfing and screaming and asked me what I had put in it. I told him and he started to freak out. Then he told his Yami. Yami got really mad and kept saying that I had to duel him or something. I just ran away. Then I gave it to Isis. She looked at it and told me to sit in the living room with Marik. Then she lectured me. Gotta go. Bakura invited me over to scare Ryou. Bye.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well that was it. Next chapter will be Joey. I think. Bye! 


	2. Kaiba

Hi there. I noticed that I got 2 reviews on the first day it was posted. I'm happy. I had a request for an entry by Kaiba so I'll do that. I said I'd do Joey but I guess I'll do him next. The truth is, I can't see Kaiba having a diary. Maybe an online journal or something high-tech but not a diary. Well if he did, this is how I think that it would go.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. Or anything else if you think about it. Never mind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cover: Seto Kaiba (It doesn't say diary because he wants everyone to think that he doesn't have a diary)  
  
Entry: June 15th, 2003  
  
Kaiba's Entry:  
  
Notebook,  
  
Today I made a few sales with my company, Kaiba Corp. I managed to up the prices and still make 50% more sales. Mokuba still doesn't know anything. He's so naïve. If I told him that, he would probably cry. Got to go be cold to people, bye.  
  
~++~+~++~+~++~+~++~+~++~  
  
That was REALLY boring. Lets try to make it more interesting. Heh heh.  
  
~++~+~++~+~++~+~++~+~++~  
  
Kaiba's Entry:  
  
Notebook,  
  
Today I broke up with Anzu. As you may know, when you piss her off, she turns into Exodia. I broke up with her and then she went after Ryou. I feel sorry for him. I have to admit though, Anzu was really good with Mokuba. I could leave her hear while I went out to clubs and stuff. Unfortunately, since we broke up, she won't go near me. Whenever I see her, Ryou's with her. And he always looks really depressed. He needs another girlfriend.  
  
Today I went to a new club called 'The Wilted Tulip'. Strange name, huh? I met twins there. Their names were Lisa and Tamara. I think that they like me. Because all they did while I was there, all they did was point at me and laugh. Maybe they like me for my new outfit that I wore to the club. I wore a pair of bright red leather pants, a sot pink tank shirt and another one of those jackets that make my shoulders look HUGE and it was all flared out. If your wondering how I get it to stay like that, then I'll tell you. I pour at least 15 bottles of hairspray onto it each morning (I was going to say 'I wank myself and use the semen to make it stay out' but I thought that it sounded too gross). And the jacket makes my shoulders look big because I use a couple hundred of those shoulder pad things that women use. Well I have to go back to the club. I wanna catch those twins again. Bye.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That was.. interesting. I didn't quite like it. Next time I do Kaiba, I'll try to make it more funny. Don't forget to R&R! 


	3. Joey

I know have 4 reviews and I'm happy for that. This next chapter is about Joey. You were wondering if he could even right, were you not? Well, he can't. He just says stuff when he's all alone so I sneaked into his room while he was doing this and recorded everything that he said. He was actually talking to his Playboy magazine. For everyone else, I sneak into their homes and stuff and steal their diaries/journals/notebooks/whatever you want to call them. Now you know. Ok. Start reading.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cover: Joey Wheeler's Book. Keep out. Or I'll spit at you. Seriously.  
  
Entry: June 4th, 2003 (I'm just putting up random dates, just so you know)  
  
Joey's Entry:  
  
Hey there notebook!  
  
How's it hanging? I've been OK. I met myself a guy! I used to like girls, but now I like guys. It's so much funner ot be gay than straight. All of my friends are gay except for Honda, Marik and Malik, Anzu. Ryou and Bakura. I think. I know that Yami and Yugi are gay because lately, they've been holding hands a lot. With fingers laced. Not that I pay attention to them. If your wondering, I do not think that Yami is a hottie. Much. Okay well maybe I do a little. A lot maybe. But that's besides the point. It's not fair that Yugi gets a hot yami and I don't. Maybe it has something to do with that millennium item that he has. I wisht that he would give it to me. I really do. Then I could get a Yami. It was kinda weird at the beginning when he started changing into his Yami and nobody noticed that he had changed bodies. Yami is so much taller than Yugi and he has a more manly voice. And killer biceps. Not that I pay attention to that stuff. Or that Yugi is really small in the pants. How could Yami like someone who is so small. I, on the other hand, am not enormous but not small either. I'm perfect. Everywhere. Not that I look at Yugi there. Yami's is huge. I don't look there. A lot. But you can't help but notice. When it sticks out into space like his does. I wonder if he uses enhancers. I don't. Well not all the time. OK, so I use them every few hours! You squeezed it out of me! Stop looking at me like that! Oh yeah. You're a book. You don't have eyes. Nevermind then. Forget that I said that.  
  
I just thought of something. I think that Anzu's and alien! Why else does she act like she does, like friendship is everything? I better spy on her.  
  
~several hours later~  
  
Anzu is definitly an alien. I spied on her. I looked through her window. She was wearing a bra with pictures of barney on it. And a pair of shorts that said 'Juicy' on th front. I think it was backwards. She kept saying "This outfit is WAY too skimpy" when it was like a full outfit. Mai wears WAY skimpier clothes than that. If I wasn't gay, I'd totally like her. Ok maybe I do like her. Well anyways, when I was spying on Anzu, she had a Backstreet Boys poster on her wall. Weird, huh? She also has a diary. She's probably writing about ways to turn us all into friendship zombies, just like her. Got to go spy on her some more. See you later. Bye.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
That was exactly how I wanted it to be. Not really funny though. Well, I have writers block, so you can't blame me. I think I did pretty well for someone whose out of ideas, don't you. Oh well. Don't forget to R&R!!!! 


	4. Yugi

Since I am so happy about having a computer and real connections to the world, I am writing a new chapter for this story. This is the diary entry of Yugi.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Cover: Yugi's Unicorn Diary  
  
Entry: January 12th, 2003  
  
Yugi's Entry:  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Today I had a fun time playing with Joey. We played with pretend unicorns. Then we pretended to be Harry Potter characters. I wanted to be Hermione but so did Joey so we got in a bit of a squabble. I just realized what that means, squabble. I looked it up in the dictionary. Actuall I didn't. I made Yami do it because I didn't want to see if there were dirty words in it. Marik told me that there were and he said there were scary words like monster and poo. Oopsies, I shouldn't have written that word. It's a really bad one. But some of my friends say a lot worse things than that. You should hear them. They are really out of control. They say a lot of offensive things like poopy head and masturbation. Yech. It's so gross. Well, I have ot go paint my room pink. My Grandpa finally let me! He kept insisting on painting my room blue! That;s such a boy's color. Well, got to go! Joey's waiting for me to go see the Care Bears movie with h im. Bye  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HA HA HA!!!!!!!! Yugi is a WUSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blech. I hate boys like that. 


	5. Ryou and Bakura

I've had a few requests for Ryou/Bakura entries so here goes:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Dear Diary'  
  
Cover: Ryou's Diary/; Bakura's Book Of Death  
  
Entry: April 11th, 2003  
  
Ryou's Entry:  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I have finally managed to avoid Bakura and Marik's little tricks for one hour! Only 5 minutes left until I have succeded in having avoided them for an hour and a half !!!!!!! Dammit. They just exploded a cat over my head. Oh well, better luck next time. EEEEEWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY EXPLODED A ROTTEN MOUSE OVER MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Have to go pour acid on them. Bye.  
  
Bakura's Entry:  
  
Dear Book Of Death ,  
  
I just exploded a dead cat and a rotten mouse over Ryou's head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left him alone for an hour and 25 minutes just so he would think that me and Marik were off torturing someone else. That way he wouldn't expect it. Me and Marik and Malik are planning to do something evil to Ishizu next. I said that we should make some soup out of dead animal bits and gravel and get Yugi to give it to her because she's sick and isn't to keen on anything. Marik said that that would be a good idea, only he had a better one: We would make soup out of Ryou's daisies and dead animals then tell him what we did after tying him to a sattelite dish naked then we would give Ishizu it. But Malik had the best Idea!!!!!!!! He said that we should do the same thing that Marik said only add some sperm to the soup. We went with that one. We made Yugi give it to Ishizu and she actually ate it!! Then we let Ryou go and he ran into the house to try and stop Ishizu from eating it but she had already eaten it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He told her what was in it and she barfed all over the house. Then she locked me and Marik and Malik in a daycare center. It's really scary here, with all the bunnies and barney stuff. I don't know why people put innocent children here. It's quite retarded. I have to go because I want to torure a little kid who keeps eating glue. Bye.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~  
  
And that was it!!!!!!!! It turned out okay for me! I hope you like it. And just so you know, in my stories, nobody goes un-insulted. So if you like a character, then don't tell me to do that person because chances are that in the end, you will hate me. So yeah. R&R!!!!!! 


	6. Anzu

OMG I haven't updated this story for so long! For that I must apologize. This entry is about Anzu. Have I done her yet? Let me check... Nope. I haven't done her yet.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
'Dear Diary'  
  
Cover: Anzu's Friendship Diary *has rainbows and animals drawn on cover*  
  
Entry: June 17th 2003  
  
Anzu's entry:  
  
Dear friendship Diary,  
  
I just love writing in you! You are the bestest book friend in the whole world. I have lots of friends. I think that I have five already. Maybe more! I've never had a lot of friends before. Even when I was little and just as nice as I am now all the other kids ran away from me and called me rude names like 'crazy bitch' and 'lunatic'. My friends now don't do that. Escept for Mrik, Malik, Bakura and Seto Kaiba. He's funny. He pretends that he's all calm and doesn't need friends. I don't belive it htough. That's why I have to try and make friends with him......... FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry diary, I just had one of my little friendship seizures. I need to go take my medication...  
  
~32 minutes and 134 pills later~  
  
Sorry it took me so long diary but I have a lot of pills. I don't know why. My friends Marik and Malik and Bakura only have to take one pill each for their killing seizures. I wonder why. They're lucky, their pills are pink. They don't like pink. They're silly billies. My pills are all black. Marik and Malik gave them to me. I never knew that they were docters. They insisted though. And they only charged me $1,800 for the first bottle. Whenever I take them my hands turn yellow though. They told me that that was a normal thing.... FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoops, another seizure, better take my pills...  
  
~1 hour later~  
  
Diary, I feel kinda funny and my friend Honda is taking me to the hospital. Be back later!  
  
~8 days later~  
  
I'm back!.... FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!!!!!! Better take my medication............  
  
~*~*~***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
OMG Anuz is such a retard. 


	7. Honda

I KNOW! I haven't updated this story in sooo long, so the people who used to drop reviews off for me probably won't be reading this, so just give it a chance.  
  
This shall be the diary of Honda, or for those of you who only watch the english version of yu-gi-oh, Tristan.  
  
What I would like to say is: What the fuck is up with his hair? It's so freaky.  
  
For those of you who also like Pirates Of The Caribean, I have most of my styories in that category, because I love that shnexi Jack Sparrow so darn much.  
  
Anyways, let's move one.  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
Cover: Hiroto Honda's... Make-Out Tips(scratched out) Book.  
  
Entry:  
  
Dear Book,  
  
Today I went to a gay singles bar.  
  
I betcha didn't know this, but I'm gay. I don't think anyone knows. Henri(my stylist) gave me the address for the singles bar.  
  
I didn't meet anyone though. Everyone else was occupied. I didn't get that as it's a SINGLES bar and not a COUPLES bar, so why was everyone with someone else?  
  
Oh well, I don't get it. I don't get a lot of things, surprisingly.  
  
WHen I say that I'm confused, everyone else says, "That must happen a lot, huh?" It's really quite annoying.  
  
Anyways, right now I have a crush on Maximillion Pegasus.  
  
So dreamy.  
  
I love his pretty silver eyes. OH, wait. He has purple eyes. I can't remember. You know who has sexy blue eyes? Kaiba. I have no ideas why Jou hates him so much. I would kill for him to call me Mutt.  
  
I got a haircut today. Same old though.  
  
Every time I try to go near someone, they back away, and I ask them why and they say that my hair is too pointy.  
  
You don't think that my hair is too pointy, do you?  
  
Of course you don't. Especially since you have no eyes. HAHAHAHAHA!! Good one Honda, good one.  
  
Today is full of shite muffins.  
  
Bakura exploded some dead turle all over my face, so it took me five frickin' hours to wash it off.  
  
Wait, it's still there.  
  
I have to go wash it off.  
  
BYE!!!  
  
a/n: that wasn't as funny as I would have liked. I should have odne somebody else. I'm too lazy right now. Tell me who you want to know about. ttfn 


	8. Yami

I know! I have NOT updated this story in the longest time!

I'm still kinda mad that they deleted Psychology session cause it was my bestest story. I might re-post it if I feel like it and if I can recover my chapters. I probably won't be able to, so I'll probably end up making a totally new one with the same plot.

ANYWAY! This is the diary entry of YAMI! YAY!!!

Discclaimer: I don't own YGO! NOT OWNING YGO ISSSSS BAAAAAAAADDDD!!!!

'Dear Diary'

Cover: Yami's BOOK OF WINNINGNESS

Entry: October 29th, 2004 (almost Halloween and that ties in. I think. Maybe.)

Dear Book of Winningness,

Today I won in duel monsters!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!! I think that I am probably the best dueling person in the WORLD!!!

I beat that stupid Marik and Malik. They were both dueling against me and I STILL WON!!!!

I was so happy that I decided to tell Yugi!

I said, "Hikari! I'm so FUCKING HAPPY!!!"

He ran away screaming.

I decided that I would commit suicide, then I remembered that if I was dead I couldn't win any more duels.

So now I have decided that I will change my voice. Instead of my sexy low voice, I'll have a sexy high voice, even higher than Anzu's!

I'm on the way to a whole new life. Except for the part where I kick everybody's ass at Duel Monsters.

I'm going to go straight, only I'll wear pink a lot and I'll have rounded boots instead of pointy, and instead of chains...I'll have paper clips.

And I'll have a crush on Serenity. I'll just jump onto that bandwagon.

well, I'm going to go make friends with Kaiba now!

-several hours later-

My head hurts. I asked Kaiba if we could have a sleepover and he said no so I decided to go over and surprise him with a sleepover.

Why does he have so much security? And why don't they recognize me?

All they said when I tried to get in was "We have a CODE YELLOW AND PURPLE!" and then they pummeled me.

And Kaiba watched them.

I don't think he recognized me.

So I decided that I'm better off the way I am.

I'm re-applying my eyeliner.

I just loooooove eyeliner.

I went over to Anzu's house earlier and she was looking strange. Her hands were yellow and she kept yelling "FRIENSHIP!"

I knocked on her door but she didn't see me I guess.

Then I went over to Kaiba's and I think he was writing in his diary too.

And I went to find Yugi to tell him I loved him and he was playing unicorns with some guy. I'm going to ask him about that later.

Meanwhile, I must win some more games!!!

-Yami.

A/N: That was pretty boring. I'll try again next time cause now I'm too bored to try again. 


	9. Mai

Have not updated this in a while. Seriously reconsidering the Psychology session thing, but you get to choose: Should I write a new one, or not? For those of you who don't know what Psychology session, it's just what the title says: a shrink interviewing and counselling the various members of YGO. And sometimes I would do a "in the waiting room" chapter, where you could see what was going on in the waiting room. I'll be using osme of my old ideas but the whole story will probably be totally different.

This is Mai's Diary Entry, as usual, pardon the spelling.

Disclaimer: I don't own. It.

Cover: Mai's Sexy Diary (it's all glittery and rhinestone-y and... stuff...)

Entry: September 19th, 2004 (I hope you realize that the dats are all random)

Mai's Entry:

Dear Mai's Book Of Sexy,

Today I went and got a haircut, hon! It was fantabulous as well as scandalous because of some juicy gossip I heard while conditioning. My stylist, Pantsismyenemy, was just coloring my hair honey blonde when I heard the most OUTRAGEOUS thing! It turns out that Joey, who I totally think isn't gorgeous at ALL (okay well maybe a little) is GAY! I was totally like "Oh, my God, What!" and the woman beside me (who was wearing hideously brown eyeshadow) was like "Do I know you?" and I was like "Totally not, Hon, but I just have to hear what you were saying about Joey!" and she looked at me like a fish would look at a moron (funnily, if you must know) and said. "I was totally silent, so I don't know what the sam hell hillion you are talking about." And then she totally got up with her hair still being dyed and was like "oh my God."

So I finally decided that it was probably me that said that Joey, the ugly bastard (okay maybe not THAT ugly), was GAY, and since I always tell the truth... WAIT! I lost my train of thought...

I'll pick it back up later. Anyhow, so as I was saying... I GOT IT! ANd since I always tell the truth, I decided to believe myself and think that Joey, that bony asshole (maybe not such an asshole), was GAY!

OH MY GOD! I LOVE HIM! No I don't. I was just kidding. He's just a stupid old hobo who doesn't even know how to tie his shoes. Well, not that I know of... I've never watched him tie his shoes, no I haven't... Ahem, well, alright. Yesterday I wrote a poem about how much I hate Joey... Here it is:

Joey is an asshole He is mouth is a food-hole I hate the bony bastard His breath probably smells like mustard He likes blue and blue is ugly He wears blue to make him fugly He eats bugs He drinks out of mugs And I think he wears a wig Because he's such a pig I'll never date the motherfucker He'll ask and I'll say no and then I'll say "SUCKER!"

And when I read that poem over again, I found out it was totally untrue. So I wrote another poem, but then I lost it, and that's unfortunate. Do you know why? NO YOU DON'T SO I'll tell you all. It's unfortunate because it was a fucking goood poem.

So bad-ass. And I say bad-ass now, as well as a whole bunch of other words, such as juicylicious. And ghettofabulous. And all that jazzy-schmazzy junk. Crap. I just but off my toenail. I have no idea in heaven, hell or earth how I did it, cause my mouth wasn't even touching my toenail, but I somehow bit it off.

So I was walking down the street when... WOAH!

TTYL DIARY, GOTTA GO! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY, BUT I SOMEHOW DO!

A/N: That was a bit... strange. As well as short. Next time'll be longer. This was actually kind of crappy. 


	10. Pegasus

HA! I haven't updated in SO LONG! Anyhow, I was thinking of re-making 'Psychology Session' and I Have finally gotten around to it. Now, all I need are some willing Shrinks. If I am not able to find any, then a random shirnk will be THE Shrink. If you wanna be a shrink, or 'therapist' if you will, give me a review. Don't bother e-mailing because SOMEONE (my uncle) fixed my e-mail account so that I can't get any e-mails from anyone who isn't my contact. So give me a review, and list some questions you'd like to ask a certain character (I will be doing most characters more than once) and also the type of shrink you are.

This is the Diary of Pegasus.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE: For those of you who haven't read the author's note, which is a little bit farther up, I need you to read it. It is important.

Cover: Pegasus'... Journal, if you must.

Entry: June 12th, 1230 (he's pretty damn old. This will have nothing to do with this entry.)

Dear... Journal,

Tee hee, today was a simply delicious day! Not only did I find a perfectly marvelous shade of lipstick that completely compliments my skin tone and my hair (Shimmering Peach), but I found a shade of lipstick that completely compliments my skin tone and my hair! Oh wait. That wasn't it. I'll figure it out. Ah yes, I also found a pretty eyeshadow that matches my eyes but doesn't overpower my eyelashes! It's a tint in purple!(I don't remember what color Pegasus' eyes are.)

Ah yes, back to my plan. Little Yugi has no idea what my plan is! I am planning to kidnap his Grandpa and use him as my own personal sex toy! I know, he's not nearly an eight as hot as I am, and I know my fractions, but he'll have to do until I can get my perfectly manicured hands on the Pharoah and his DUMBASS friends. Delectable. And I know what that word means. Of course, I had to look it up in the dictionary before I wrote it down, but I know what it means. Now. Anyways, back to my plan. Yugi's sexy little friends SHALL BE MINE. I tried to seduce Yugi to get his friends and him to join my little non-existant harem, but he declined, and said something about "having to find some unicorns" or something gay like that.

He didn't even ask his friends if they wanted to join. I'll bet that sexy Ryou would like some action. I even considered talking to Ryou about it. I asked my bodyguard if it was a good idea. He just said "My coon is not reflecting light." and stomped off.

What a world we live in. It's full of stupid prudes who think sex is bad. How is it bad? It's NATURAL! If humans weren't supposed to ave sex, we wouldn't have penises.

Anyways, I must leave now and plot the creatingness of my non-existant harem.

Goodbye.

A/N: That was weird. Again, read the Author's note if you haven't. It is quite important. 


	11. Marik, Malik and Bakura

**I KNOW! Have not updated for AGES! But I promise you, I'm trying to make a habit out of updating regularly. I have no excuses. This one is extra-long. It will be the entries of Malik, Marik and Bakura. And then I'll update again next week. I'll make it a weekly thing. I promise. I promise promise promise! And if I don't update in a week, e-mail me with hateful things.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters and etc… I love the word 'etcetera.' It's awesome.**

_Oh yeah! And don't be offended by my remark of the French. Nothing against them._

Cover: Malik and Marik's Book. Of…stuff. GET OUT ISHIZU!

Entry: January 13, 2006

Marik's Entry:

Diary,

Today is Friday the 13th! It's exciting because it's supposed to be a very unlucky day. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but Ryou does, so Malik, Bakura and I are going to mess with him. It's going to be AWESOME! YAY! We've already messed with him a lot. Right now he's shaking in his basement, mumbling swear words in his fruity English accent.

Ha-ha! So far we have killed his dog. Oh yeah. He got a new dog. It's some runt bitch Chihuahua named 'Bleeper' or 'Blinker' or something like that. It's so ugly. It never shuts up. We'd been planning its demise for days. Stupid dog. I've always hated those runt dogs. So tiny. Like warts or something. I loved when people put them in little clothes. It's embarrassing and they deserve it…

Anyhow, we had been planning to kill it for a while. We brainstormed a few days ago. You know, tossing around ideas like tying it to a piece of wood and shoving it in a dryer filled with hornets, putting on the dryer and listening to the awesome buzzing. Forcing it to listen to Hilary Duff on full blast. That kind of thing. But Bakura came up with the best idea. I guess it's due to his having to listen to it yap 24 hours a day. That kind of torture can drive a yami crazy. Or even more crazy than it already is…

I get off topic easily. I remember someone telling me that one time, but I didn't believe them. Then I got all angry and blew them up. Ha! Santa Clause is immortal MY ASS! Stupid fat man…

Oh yeah! The PLAN! So what we finally did was Bakura's idea. We decided to play a nice game of catch with Blanker. Blower. Whatever. Well, we were playing a game of catch… with a Frisbee of DOOM! AKA Yugi. It was fun… Yugi's pointy hair kept stabbing Booker and making it bleed and yap and whine, and Yugi kept getting bitten and screaming for help from Yami. But Yami was too busy being covered with Bopper's dog food and being shoved into a cage filled with rabid dogs…

Good times, good times. Aha! I have to go now; it's time to mess with Ryou some more… And this time it will include Bakura's chainsaw and a very horny rabbit.

Malik's Entry:

Diary,

Today was the best day EVER! Looking back through our book, I noticed that Marik has already explained what we did before the other thing we did. What else did we do, you ask? All in good time my good lad, all in good time. I'm feeling odd… More of that later though

So anyways, after we killed Binger, Bouncy or whatever the hell that demon thing is called, almost killed Yami, and made that stupid little Yugi cry, (something about dogs being meant for loving and not death) we decided to play one more prank of Ryou, and then move onto Ishizu. I'm sure Bakura will tell his own diary about that later, so I'll just explain what happened with Ryou… It was marvelous…

Well, he was rocking back in forth in the basement when it happened. For some reason, Ryou has always had a large troop of twinky little girls following him around. Well, it's not so much following as stalking… Anyways, they all love him. Their ages range from 14-89. (Don't ask) So anyways, we set them on him. It was awesome!

They all crowded around him. At first they fawned over him, which was quite scary, but then they started fighting over who would 'get him.' And then they started a big brawl over custody and shit like that. It was hilarious! Ryou started shrieking like a little girl as they clawed at his face for his eyeballs. Apparently they're the best part. It was like he was the new Elvis or something. Which reminds me, I need to let Elvis out of my torture chamber sometime soon…

Well, I'll go now. We're about to wreak some havoc on Ishizu.

Cover: Bakura's book of DOOM! DOOM DOOM DOOM! DOOOOOOOOM! Doom.

Entry: January 13, 2006

Bakura's Diary:

Ah… Today is my favorite day. Most people are superstitious of this day for some reason. Something to do with the French… I don't doubt it. Those baguette-eating bastards.

Anyways, as I said, Ishizu's not superstitious, so we were thinking of ways to scare her. Like putting her face into the chest cavity of the rotting corpse of a small elephant that died of hemorrhoids and had an HIV and letting her face stay in that smelly, rotting nasty dead body until she slowly went unconscious from the smells of death. But let's not go into details.

But in the end, we had no way to move the dead elephant body so we couldn't do that cause there was no way we could drag Ishizu that far after using Laudanum to drug her. She's been eating a lot of chocolate lately. Apparently that fat chick from Jenny Craig said she could eat anything she wanted and still be thin. Fat chance. Pardon the pun.

So in the end, we just decided to use all her makeup to decorate the house. Not very imaginative, I know, but we were running out of time. She freaked out.

She kept yelling something about Este Lauder or something. Stupid bitch.

Ah well, that's enough evil for one day. I must go now.

**A/N: Yay! Super long (kind of) and funnier than usual! I think this one's better than the lame stabs I've done before! Well, you be the judge.**


End file.
